Are You Powerless or Embodying True Power?

Jun 27, 2018
Today's SPARK shares my story from powerlessness to True Power and meets you where you are on your own empowerment journey.

I remember so many times where I have felt powerless in my life. Being the baby of the family, I have a stream of memories where I felt weak, incapable, helpless, and victimized. The time I was stuck upside down in an inflatable toddler inner tube with my face under the pool water and feet kicking frantically up in the air. The time my head was held barely above the toilet water with the threat of being flushed. The time I was pinned down and tickle tortured for way too long. The time I was stripped down to naked on the beach against my will. 

And then there were the biggies... like the time I found my oldest sister dead...when I felt absolutely powerless--frozen in the helplessness of nothing I could do.

This powerless pattern played out again and again, creating an underlying fear of not being safe in the world and a feeling that I needed to be saved by someone else. And so, of course, that's what I called in--over and over, I was saved by my parents, saved by my other sister, saved by my boyfriends, saved by my doctors. 
The height of my powerlessness came in 2001--catalyzed by the 9/11 terrorist attacks that triggered the Victim in so many of us. I went from leading a non-profit program in San Francisco to feeling severely depressed, wanting to die, and being absolutely incapable of performing my job. As usual, my sister swooped in to save me-- calling my boss to say I would no longer be working there and flying me home to be cared for by my parents once again. The shame of that failure stung for years. 

Then of course there was my decade of illness--fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, rheumatoid arthritis--where my body began to mirror my thoughts of helplessness, bringing me to the painful place of barely being able to walk.
It's interesting how, as humans, we all have a wound pattern. Do you know yours? When we haven't yet healed and integrated it, we spend a lot of energy living the pattern out over and over again as exhibited above. 

We also spend an exorbitant amount of energy trying to hide the pattern or trying to prove that this pattern does not exist within us. This is exactly why my ego has pushed hard in the direction of competence, determination, independence, perseverance, and empowered identity. I'm now able to see the ego's compulsion behind my myriad expressions of  "Look at me. Look at me! Look what I CAN do! Look how powerful and brave I am!"  

The cool thing about wounds is when we give them loving attention and shine the light of awareness on them, they have lessons to teach us and gifts to offer us. They lead us to our deeper purpose and the community of people we're designed to serve. 

My Power Wound has led me on a journey from helpless victimhood to egoic power-proving and then onwards to intimate inter-connection with my Higher Power. I have journeyed from floundering as a "baby" entrepreneur 10 years ago, to striving and proving my empowered entrepreneurial might, to creating a higher-powered successful business that is fueled by Love.
Thank you Erica Mueller for capturing me embodying True Power.

It's amazing how different it is to know my True Power and trust it completely.It is amazing how much more easeful work is now that my small helpless self is not trying to prove its capability. And it is amazing how expanded my capacity is now that my highest self ~ spirit~ God ~ love is leading the way.
No matter where you are on this journey from powerlessness to being higher-powered, you are welcome exactly where and how you are. My work with this wound has inspired my passion to help others move beyond the fears of powerlessness (what if I can't? what if I fail? what if I'm not good enough? what if no one can save me? what if they find out I'm weak? what if I die?) and support them to move into their True Power--with which their greatest contribution can be made. I'm grateful to be on the path with you.  
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